Housatonic, MA

I live in rural Western Massachusetts now. Last year I also lived in rural Western Mass but that was in a yoga center. Now I am a citizen of rural Western Mass.

Here is where I live, on "Pollock Hill" in Housatonic. Apparently at one point in Housatonic's industrial boom, they imported an entire Polish village and planted them in this little neighborhood at the top of the hill. That's where I live, 232 Grove St.




Here is the funky little garage. There's Blackura, my new car.



Here is side view of said funky little garage.



My backyard neighbors. They have goats and a vocal rooster and donkey.



The view in downtown Housie.



not such a great photo, says, "Come feel the spirit."



My new library.



I have to go to my post office to get my mail.



That's my new hood! What do you think?

Strange and Beautiful Underwater City

So now I have been to New York City.

And right now, I am sitting in Kim's East Harlem apartment.

It is cool and still in here. The outside is grey, although all that I can see of it is from the light reflected off of the building outside the windows. It is quiet, although outside life is happening. Planes to La Guardia fly overhead every once in awhile. I hear diesel engines of delivery trucks and men hawking loogies and shouting at each other. But all of this action seems to be contained in an overarcing stillness, as if this whole experience were contained within an ocean. Not me seperate from it. I am in the same ocean.

When I dipped into meditation for my morning practice, the stillness was large. Loud. Full. I wonder if when meditation happens if it is merely a tuning into a wavelength. I imagine different places have different wavelengths, and I imagine there are also many to choose from at that.

This is like no other place I have been to before. My first impression of this was a complete otherworldliness. As if I was on another planet or in an alternate reality. And the longer I sink into this environment, it feels like just that, a sinking in, a surrender. If I chose to I could feel claustrophobic. However, in the ocean, going under feels very contained and seperated and at the same time very vast and connected.

I had to get used to breathing here. It reminds me of my dreams where I can breathe underwater. As I entered my pranayama (breath) practice this morning, however, I realized that I could very much breathe this air in and harness life force from it by becoming it. Nothing to fight, spirits tell me. The energy is loving and powerful. Elemental. There may be extra pollution and things in the air that I am not used to breathing, but the prana I am taking in is something else all together.

The deeper I sink in, I wonder what will happen. I wonder if I will no longer need my eyes to see. All this floating, all this being, all this happening. All this alchemy. All the wavelengths, existing. And where am I? Grounded. Here. Channeling all the this.

Pregnant Seeds

In a recent dream I was looking closely in the mirror and peeling propeller seeds off my face as if they were scabs. That came up during my yin practice last night and the message, "Put those seeds where they belong" came through. So I attempted to put the propeller seeds over my sacral chakra around my right ovary...the image that came through though showed the propeller seeds as pregnant! Pregnant with some wild ideas.

Lindsey-Self Love

Henna, cont'd

Pam=Healer



Leg Lotus



"Lady"



Hand Lotus



Precious Perfection



60 and Agelessly Beautiful



Communicating with Beloved Guidance



My Third Eye Asked Me to do it



Cassandra



TRUST



give love



Healing for Recovering Broken Ankle



Gemini's Birthday



Divine Guidance





Zoe




Throat Opening/Empowering

I don't know anything.

In here in here. It's like here in here. Here, here. Here, hear here here. So I hear. Crambed with crumbs, jangly indentical emotions, junked up with something heard again and again in here. Here, another self I'd like to recognize. And who am I? Perhaps I am that self you see inside, the one who hurts and dreams and forgets to show you her true face, her one constant. One constant? What is that? That oh my god, did she just say that? Work before play, then work and work and take her self too seriously. Self had better calm down before disapproval sets in into all those other selves secretly being judged. By whom? It's a secret, because there is no I. It isn't me, I'm a 'spiritual person'. Only love, right? Only love when love is only love but what about the rest of the time? The time when, where, were you when I needed a friend? Where was I when intimate realms dared to be explored? Do I know myself? Do I dare? Exploring to explode, popping all over this pie hole, recognized by you, who? And seen by who? Who? Who? Who? Where am I? What is this? Meaning-less, and the hurtful way you absorb my presence without acknowledging it. Do I do that? Did I do that? Did I do that? Here. In here is where this takes place. In here, around here hurtful tones bounce back and forth and words are said through me that might feed your daddy issues and my mommy issues but certainly don't see the difference between you and me. We try to struggle. To stay here, see here, why is it one day isn't this one. And this one is different as well. I hear-ed I hurt and I don't know why. Why do you treat me this way? Why I? I don't know.

7/13/09 DREAMLAND

Dreamland is a special place. It exists here on earth. People here write in cursive because there is no need to break the line, from one thought to the next, between the darkness and the light, everything here flows effortlessly into itself, in the proper way it needs to be expressed at the moment. Earlier this year it felt like there was 'something that needed to be connected to' in order to plug in to dreamland. A 'different' feeling, different 'voices' to listen to. Now I no longer hear the voices, it seems that I AM them. If I were writing this with henna on skin I'm sure these words wouldn't be words at all. They would be prismatic shapes, as if looking at a chessboard at the bottom of a swimming pool--some ideas liquidy and difficult to grasp, but clear as experienced in the moment. Clear as it is what needs to be clarified with an unbroken line, uniting shadow and light, uniting sickness and health, bringing a field together and translating it into the truth of itself, the truth of the intention. The truth of vibration. I feel your thoughts shift and the shapes change. Maybe these thoughts are hectic and hurtful and my line will reveal that. It may be somewhat sad, but I trust in the higher wisdom guiding me. I trust that if this garbage needs to be seen, so be it. In dreamland things seems innocent and clear. It is important for me to remember that dreamland looks different of the outside than it does on the inside, and for the past week I have been learning more about both points of view.

7/12 Pick the one that STICKS

Hi Lee. You are the one that sticks. Maybe NOT in the way you wish you were the one that sticks. Maybe you ARE the one that sticks in the way you wish to stick. Or you don't realize you are sticking in the way you wish to stick. Like peanut butter that I give to a dog to stop him from barking for awhile, your nastiness has wrenched my thought patterns and serves to distract me in this time being. Your personality is a science experiment on a horribly wrong kind of VELCRO. I was nice to you, and you took that cue, thinking that you were sticking with an industrial strength adhesive--but those chemicals be TOO STRONG FOR ME--I just want to be free. Go back in the lab, and maybe you will see why I recoiled and told you to stay away from me. Instead, you reer and hiss...obviously hurt from your stick-less entry, the automatic transmission which puts your unconscious motives in charge and not what your ego thinks you could be...

grr...

Who, me? No, I haven't seen this on tv, do I know you from somwhere? A roller coaster ride or a singles supper club? A pta meeting? Why is this attracted to me? This subconscious plea seems to me something I could have released a hold on every time someone may have just been "being nice to me" but instead I was the velcro factory, aggressively creating fabrications, thick tapestries woven together with scotch tape and snot, glitter and glue. I was the one who couldn't see, so now it's bouncing off of you and sticking to me.

July 1 My Birthday

I had a wonderful birthday. I woke up at 6am with a headache and a watermelon on my bed. The watermelon had a big fat orange bow around it. I fell back asleep and woke up at 10, got dressed in a red flowing dress that was laid out for me (!), and took my watermelon to the bakery so I could chop it up. Heddles chopped half of it up for me and put it in a huge bowl. I went outside and sat in the grass with my bowl of watermelon slices. I contemplated walking the labyrinth but there were people there and it occured to me that it was the perfect time to go to the lake and swim. I went and bathed in the sun and read some Sedaris and swam and felt cradled by mother, again and again. On the way to the lake I spoke with my birth mom and on the walk back I spoke to my art mom, Dr. Mehr, who I thought of as I ate one of the daylilies off of the crown of daylilies that Ellen made for me. After I chatted with Dr. Mehr there was a DELUGE of birthday hugs as I entered the building. I felt like a princess. I ate lunch and Zeek escorted me to my room where I met up with Carly. Carly gave me a loving massage that afternoon. After this we polished off the watermelon. Then I bathed and sauna-ed and had my aura photographed. The aura was Red, Pink, Purple, and Indigo, with blue and white down my arms. The pink was over my belly where I had some self-loving henna applied to myself. I felt validated, as I felt the combination of grounded color (red) , elevated color (purple), indicated a balance of both realms, and pink is of course a combination of red and white, earth and sky. I rushed to dinner because I was late and I ran to set my things down and the first empty seat I saw and a table filled with friends. In my haste I forgot why it was so crowded--suddenly I was blasted with a very lively rendition of the happy birthday song. Hedley made me a beautiful and delicious raw blueberry cheesecake. Ellen showed me the card she made, it was a dreaming crab. She had all my friends draw dreams for me in the thought bubble. I got very verklempt--it was one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. Then I announced that I wanted to have a dance party that night. After dinner I got an acupuncture treatment. Then the dance party, which was tame, but fun. Towards the end, the Beck song 'Deborah" played and I made everyone in the room slow dance with me. Afterwards, Cassie, Sarah, Ellen and I got tea and snuck into the hot tub. It was a special, wonderful birthday, full of whimsy and also structure. When someone asked me what I will do in my 26th year, I instinctively responded, "Make Money." Time for me to take my tools into the world.

6/28/09 I Remember

I remember...feelings...more than words...speaking feelings, letting words in from a different place.
A knowing, those words, those words I let in and then, feelings, more than words, bigger than words, holding me in place as I place my hands on the dying...
At the time when I have just the right thing to say it can only be said with my hands and my short gasps, with my heart knowing those words I let in, speaking feelings from our shared planetary exchange.
Homes and lands and the way clouds fill each others' voices with songs.
The way atmospheres tremble as elements collide, as I tremble with God at my footsteps.
Pulsing with knowing.
Letting words in from a different place.
I remember incantations in my revelations, inklings that twinkle and stories that simply aren't true.
I remember cave writing.
I remember words that aren't words and knowing their simple truth fills my tears with pulsing Godsteps.
Step on my God, my tears with not knowing, for I know not what I do.
What I do with this blessed interface, interacting with the sacredness that remembers me when I choose to remember it.
Inklings that twinkle and lights and laughter and memories of people I have been and stories that simply aren't true.
Caves and voices and remember that time when my eyes were closed and you were all there, laughing and smiling?
At the time, a knowing.
I remember.

Mendhi Project Part 2: Reflections

It is really important to me that I journal reflections about my experiences. In going over these I have noticed that I do not remember what I would have liked so I plan to do this with more frequency.





Zeek was my first victim. I got the message for a lot of fire and arrows and expansiveness. It was a nice experience. We sat in the sun by the beach. May 11. I received the message, "One Eye Open, One Eye Closed."



Later that day I did Gary's hand. He is much more sensitive and the drawing came out more dreamy and expressive. Some sort of fish that is also a submarine.


Josephine's wrist was an interesting experience. I felt like her body was asking me to lay the lines down in a particular way. When I was halfway done, she exclaimed, "Gosh Dre, it looks like one of MY drawings." Her body was pretty specific.


Carly's ankle was the start of my experiences being more prayerful. As I worked we didn't really talk, and my prayer at the beginning was powerful. I felt her spirit guides as well as mine. I noticed particularly that some things that I wanted to do I was asked not to do. I was asked to leave the design open. The big flower on the ankle is looking over the little flowers and that was important for some reason. She is either the large flower herself or being looked out for by this 'big mama' flower (that's what it is called) or both.



Renee's experience was interesting because I don't know her as well. The design started out more quaint and ended up being rather psychedelic.



Ellen, who is one of my closest friends. I thought the design would be crazy but the body asked for something traditionalish. I was also asked to write "Ma".



The experience with Nicole was intense. Her body literally displayed the line for me and all I did was trace it. She told me she asked her body for clarity. As I did this one my whole body was lit up and vibrating. We worked on her right (masculine) side. I am very interested in healing the masculine in order to heal the feminine. The act of creating this was very methodical and focused.




I worked around Jasmine's tattoo. Again, the skin showed me what to do. The patterns were so different. The speed as well. The creation was more frantic.